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We have moved into our new apartment. Things are coming together very nicely. Kris has been very good about keeping things tidy around the house which has left me free to write, read, listen to music, and be creative. The sex has been wonderfully satisfying. I still feel like something is missing but, I am not exactly sure what. I think i need to be a bit more take charge and creative in the bedroom/ where ever.
I have been a bit out of sorts, consumed with thoughts of the future and getting from a to z. We will be returning to school and that combined with regular household expenses is a bit concerning considering neither of us work. I come from a well off family and they have been taking care of things for me since my divorce in February. It has been convenient but, I don't like being in the "debt" of my parents because it allows them room for comment on certain matters in my life. I am very serious about my relationship with Kris and my mother has "suggested" that I need not get involved so soon after my divorce. She may be right. Time will tell. But for now, I am happy.
This relationship has been the realization of many things that I have wanted. The synergistic effect we have on one another is refreshing after having expelled so much time, energy and money on helping others evolve. I don't have to ask him to meet me halfway, just to join me. I call and he comes. I ask and he does. He reflects my love back to me like a mirror.
We are planning to get married on Halloween this year. I have much to think about in how I want to symbolize our union. I want this to be about us and no one else, as it should be but, isn't always the case in society. I have much to share, too much for this sitting.

Morganton, NC

We arrived yesterday in NC after a long 6 + hr. dr. I truly met Kris's parents for the first time and got to know their personalities a lot better. I laughed with his moth
er so hard at several points i thought i might lose control of my bladder. I met her brother as well, very nice man and very comfortable with being a pervert. His father stay in the background mostly, observing and listening as we all made quite a noise. Strong, silent type, you know?
We have been up about an hour now after having slept horribly for about 3 hours. I feel so refreshed i could slap myself. Hopefully the lukewarm shower i will be taking will knock some sense into me.
We have a few people to see today for Kris's sake, Friends and family, with an additional stop possibly at the computer store so he may make sure his mother has access to the outside world before we leave this blip on the map.
Perhaps if not dazed, I will write more later today. We'll see.

For hours we slept earlier today / this morning. I awoke, feeling surprising refreshed for a change. Considering the coming days of moving both my belongings and hers, Lilith and I headed out to town around 11 pm to get some supplies. Among them we got totes for packing things, a laundry basket, and multi colored clothes hangers. hey ranr high on my "whats cool list". When we came home she proceeded to relieve me of the burden of my ever so long hair. We have both agreed it looks a thousand times better than it did before. Eventually we'll get around to posting some pics. Its rather early / late now, almost 6 am, Im going to do the dishes soon, and fix some chicken noodle soup. We have a couple of movies we are going to watch before going to bed. All is well, wonderfully so as a matter of fact.

What the hell is wrong?

I am not in a great place in my head right now. We have been bickering more than i would like. If I change my "tone" he is quick to get up in arms about things like I have just bitten his head off. It makes me feel like a bad person. As if I cannot communicate well with him. I love him dearly but, when this occurs it frustrates me to the point of tears. I wish I could find some peace of mind in these times. I know he loves me. That will be what I have to cling to to keep me from turning into a raging inferno of emotion.
I have to think that maybe it's because we aren't settled into our apartment yet or, that maybe it was because we had dinner with 12 other people tonight to celebrate my mother's birthday and he is just feeling residual stress. I want to be close, almost one with my slave but, sometimes he feels so distant, held captive in his head, his thoughts the prison gaurds.
I love you, Kristopher.

This is apt to be long and rambling. Its around 6 pm here in Ky. We just woke up a little while ago. Our sleeping schedule has been off lately to say the least. Aside from strange dreamland hours things have been going wondefully. Yesterday we ran some arrands and ended up going by the goodwill. Lillith, with her savy shopping skills found six pairs of jeans and a couple of really nice shirts for me. Evidentally, becuase of my size and stature, womens clothing fits better, so I've had to shift my thinking on the matter. I will admit its nice to have clothes that actually fit properly, and even more so to know how pleased she is with the way I look in them. We are pretty settled into our temp apratment at the moment. Its nice to have privacy, and we have most modern convienances, such as a micro wave acess to washer and dryer stove top for cooking, etc. It will be a couple of weeks before our new apartment is ready, we plan to spend a couple of days in gatlinburg near the end of the month, on the way back to NC. I still have some belongings I need to get from my Dads. Prmarily of course my computer. I miss it, as strange as that might sound. There is such a difference between using a desktop and a laptop. Plus theres also the fact that all my movies and media are on there. I have a ton of things left to do today so I'll bring this to an end for now.

Do vampires exist?

We are sitting up watching ATHF on adult swim. He is eating unwatered down chicken noodle soup. Since Kristopher and I have been together, I have not be in contact with many people. I have had a few outings to go to the store, visit the doctor, and do a few deals to make some money. I will be working tomorrow. My parents have been kind enough to let me work part time under the table doing accounts payable. This, with my long term disability, is paying the bills.
I am attending school right now to obtain my associates degree to be an RN. I am looking forward to being able to support me and mine independantly.
Kristopher and I have made plans to go down to North Carolina to collect his things and to visit with his parents. We will be spending 4 days in Gatlinburg on the way back. I am very much looking forward to this little getaway. Us, lounging in the hottub on the porch, overlooking the beauty of the Smokeys.
Perhaps we will get back on normal sleep scheduale during that time. We have become nocturnal. I miss the light of day.

The journey, both through life and in the lands D/s are complicated, to say the least. As a submissive, I take great pleasure, in service, servitude and pleasing my Owner. The bond we have, exists in many forms and continues to blossom, a coveted blue rose within a sacred grove. It has been quite an experiance so far, I had not anticipated falling so quickly for someone, much less leaving all my comfort zones and familiarity at the same time. Thankfully, I've taken to my new surroundings rather well. There is much to be done. Ive yet to secure a job, nor am I well versed in the navigation of this large city. At first this seemed very much like a dream, one I have longed for as long as I can remember. In our interaction I have discovered such treasues, that it fills my heart with wonderment and joy. The list of things for which I'm grateful would far exceed the time and energy I have to set them done. Perhaps it is enough to know, and to be aware. I look forward to our eventual move, and getting settled into the new apartment. Since this is indeed a D/s journal, there should then be some mentioning of the subject matter. Notably so, I have noticed in me a surprising change since this partnership has started. I have found that my desire for pain has lessened. In the past such feelings were driven primarily by anguish, and stress. Thankfully both of those conditions have been missing since meeting and spending time with Lilith. I seriouly doubt that the masochist in me has totally dissapeared, I think more appropriately he is in a transitional phase. One in which pain is no longer medication, but instead a vessel for unity and sacredness between Owner and slave. The hour grows late and we've much to do before this days end. May the road faer you well.